Wednesday, April 4, 2007

In the Beginning...


It all began with pictures on the Internet.

My wife printed photographs of orphans from countries around the world. She picked children that were particularly cute—some fat and chubby, others malnourished; some were babies, others teens. She would talk of someday adopting. This behavior erupted at random times and continued for years before she convinced me to take adoption seriously.

Why adopt? We already had three healthy children. As a single-income family, I already felt the burden of paying for music lessons, sports programs, and school activities. Life was busy, my career blooming. At first, I dismissed the conversations as “baby hungry” behavior; over time, she became more earnest and I considered my own feelings more seriously.

We caught the adoption bug.

Within five years, we adopted five children from Kazakhstan and Russia. Each adoption was expensive, time consuming, and had its specific challenges. And we would do it all again. The people at the Tree of Life Adoption Center were fantastic and guided us through the intricacies at every turn of the process (and there were many intricacies and many tricky turns!). We also found "Russian Phrases for Children" to be a priceless tool in learning Russian.

Each child brought a unique light into our home. We are not the same people that we were before. As a father, my insight into the importance and role of fatherhood is dramatically different. I worry less about whether our child is a “starter” on the team and more about whether he is having fun; I worry less about being top of the class academically and more about her self confidence.

The relationships between the children also change as each develops love, patience, tolerance, and affection for the others. International adoptions are a heart-rending, soul-searching experience. Each child is unique. Each child is special. Most were abandoned by their mothers at birth and have known nothing of life in a traditional family. Some have special physical needs ranging from minor medical issues to major, life-changing limitations.

You and your wife will sort through hundreds of photos, dozens of videos, medical profiles, and maybe speak with other adopting parents who have met your child. With each child, you will ask yourself, “could I love that child?”, “can I handle this child’s special needs?”, or “are we crazy to be considering this at all?”

As the Father of five internationally adopted children, I have encountered many differing opinions about the role of fatherhood in adoption. As my wife and I worked through the years of love and long-suffering that are inherent in international adoption, I learned more about the role of a father in adopting, teaching, nurturing, and parenting children. A father is critical to successful adoption—both as a father-figure to children that have rarely been around men and as a support to the mother, who in traditional settings, carries the primary burden for teaching and nurturing adopted children.

This blog is dedicated to fathers, fatherhood, and the challenges of adoption. Please add your comments and this blog will address the ongoing issues and learnings for fathers.

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